


Put You On Mute

by reddottedpaper



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, Explicit Language, Fluff, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, M/M, Road Trips, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:28:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26237143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reddottedpaper/pseuds/reddottedpaper
Summary: Joe and Nicky are on their way to a meet-up with the gang. Hangover and tired, driving down a bumpy highway in the middle of central Europe.Nicky gets bored and Joe gets annoyed when they end up in a traffic jam. They like to have fun on their car rides.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 19
Kudos: 169





	Put You On Mute

It's Joe who's driving. Not that he's the better driver, it's just that he's the least tired. Last night full of drinks and music proved to not, in fact, be a good idea considering the trip they had ahead of them today. So as the most sober immortal, Joe took on the driver's role, holding the wheel only by the tips of his fingers hooked on the bottom of it, his elbows resting on the armrests and his head leaned back. He's watching the road through the bottoms of his dark Lennon's, windows all rolled down to catch the breeze outside. Nicky is slumped in the passenger seat, legs splayed, seat reclined, his palm holding the upper frame of his door through the window and the bridge of his sunglasses balancing on top of his nose. Every few moments his lazy finger lifts the shades up a few inches just to drop them back down and he marvels at the change of colours before him.

" _Keep going straight_ ," says the lady voice from their navigation and both men give her little screen a glance.

"I've abandoned that road a long time ago," Nicky mumbles and readjusts so his face is leaning on his knuckles, arm prepped up against the door.

Joe chuckles and presses a button that he hopes turns off the voice navigation. 

"I'm afraid we don't have a choice on this communication," Joe says and looks into the rear view mirror.

It's D1 they found themselves on today. A highway crawling diagonally across the most of Czech Republic. A hell-built patience testing strip of road that unfortunately IS the quickest way how to get to Vienna by car. Even if it's really slow, bumpy, always packed and jammed. But the views are beautiful, the only thing taking their headache ridden minds off the occasional sirens of police and ambulances speeding past them.

Right now, they're driving through a section fortunate enough not to be digged up and covered in road restrictions. The forests around them are serene and Nicky's headache gets mild enough for him to turn on the radio. Joe winces but one look at Nicky humming and drumming gently on the controls on his doors, and he decides to not interfere. He allows it. The pressure in his eardrums shakes his brain just a little bit.

"What's this song called?" Nicky asks all of sudden, sitting up.

"Don't know, something local."

"No, wait," he holds up a finger and twists the button to turn up the volume, old disco beats fill up the speakers hard enough for the sound to start buzzing.

Joe groans, covering an ear. He sneaks a glance at Nicky who's banging his palms on the dashboard, bouncing up and down in his seat. He's mouthing the words he doesn't know, looking at Joe through the glasses lowered to the tip of his nose. Joe can't help but laugh, but the ringing in his ears gets unbearable and he reaches over to lower the volume.

"My head, mi amore." 

Nicky nods his head in understanding, slumping back into his seat and watching the cars they're passing on the fast lane. His head is still bopping, his lips singing words and hands drumming a beat into his thighs.

" _Keep going straight_ ," the navigator lady chimes in.

"Hell, I thought I turned this off," Joe says and presses a button.

"Where is the turn to go gay, Joe?" 

"You missed it, I took it about a millennia ago," he answers nonchalantly and it earns him a toothy grin from Nicky.

The rows of cars get more crowded and Joe rests his foot on the break, slowing down and merging into a single line because of road work. 

"Here it is," he groans, resting his head on his palm.

The cars slow down to almost a stop, driving carefully through belts of milled off road. 

"Are we gonna be late?" Nicky asks and keeps drumming the song even when the radio plays another.

"Most likely. And I gave us a cushion of 15 minutes. Is there a year when this highway is not a pothole museum?"

"If there was, we were somewhere else," Nicky sings the words and turns the radio up again.

"Nicolo," Joe tries to protest but Nicky is already singing, apparently knowing the words to this one. 

Joe's head rings as if his bell has been rung, he squints his eyes.

"Nicolo!"

"Joe!" Nicky responds with a wide smile.

Joe reaches over and turns the volume down. Nicky reacts immediately and changes the station, turning the volume back up.

"News then? If not songs?" he pleads and Joe sighs and shrugs his shoulders.

"Sure."

"A young man in Germany had decided to have both his ears cut off and now keeps both of them in a jar in his apartment," speaks the radio moderator.

The two men share a look and Joe changes the station back to the song, with lower volume.

Nicky just smiles, looking at the cars around them, all vehicles came to a stop at this point. When the lane finally moves a bit, an Austria license plate cuts in front of them to merge early. Joe sighs and lets it. Nicky doesn't.

He slaps his knees and gestures wildly toward the black BMW. " _Learn how to drive you dick! Hey! Blast the horn!"_

" _I'm not gonna blast the horn, Nicolo."_

" _FUCKING idiot!_ " Nicky swears in Italian and leans over to slap his palm on the horn.

When a hand peeks out of the BMW, giving them the bird, Nicky loses his patience, leaning out of the window and swearing in language too archaic for anyone to appreciate the obscenities. Joe smiles into his palm, he hooks onto the wheel with his knees and reaches over to drag Nicolo back into the car.

"Road rage alert."

" _What a fucking dunce! You saw that?! Austrians! Fucking Austrians!"_

They both burst into a chuckle. Their car has the same A on the license plate, been unfortunate enough in the past to be on the receiving end of similiar situations.

" _Keep going straight_."

"We would love to but we're in the middle of a traffic jam," Nicky calmly answers while Joe swears under his beard, already pressing buttons again.

" _Continua dritto."_

"Continuiamo," Nicky argues back and Joe grips his hand into a fist.

"Turn off! Please!" he screams.

" _Atención. Embotellamiento_."

Nicky laughs.

" _Achtung, Stau._ "

"Echt jetzt?" Nicky says.

Joe just sighs and drops his head onto the wheel, blasting the horn on accident. The guy in front of them shoots them another finger.

"Hey! Fuck off!" Joe yells back, grips the wheel and waves at him while Nicky grins in the passenger seat, satisfied. Emotions spent, Joe slumps back into his seat and Nicky leans on his shoulder and switches their sunglasses. He relaxes immediately. 

"Want me to drive from the next stop?" Nicky offers.

"Heavens, no. We'd have so many angry drivers on our tail."

"Only if they could catch up."

" _Keep going straight._ "

"Love, I feel like the GPS is threatening us."

"Can we just turn this thing off! Please!" Joe groans, out of patience and nerves. Nicky smiles and presses a button, the screen goes blank.

"Not the whole thing. Just the voice. Mute her."

"I'll navigate."

"Oh, love. No. Please. Let the lady lead."

"But Joe, she's forcing us to go straight."

Joe smirks and Nicky sinks back into the seat with a happy smile.

They stop at the next gas station, Nicky fills up on gas while Joe goes and buys some snacks. They drink coffee lazily, sitting at a bench with surprisingly good view when they ignore the rows of trucks lining the driveway.

"Yeah, boss. Yeah. We're on the way. We'll be there in about an hour," Joe talks into the burner phone while watching Nicky eat ice cream on a stick, biting off pieces of chocolate. He can't help but smile, blushing while answering in a serious tone.

He never stops to amaze him. Nicolo. Deadly, serious and accurate as a sniper and swordsman - and absolutely adorable as a vacationer with a hungover, licking ice cream at a gas stop in Central Europe. There's something irrationally perfect about having him just for himself. Even the mere knowledge of who he is, knowing all his flaws and pet peeves and favourites makes Joe feel proud and honored. All their time together doesn't seem to be enough.

When Andy hangs up, Joe takes out the battery and cracks the shell of the phone in his hands, throwing it in a trashcan. He joins Nicky who is almost done with the ice cream.

"Aren't you feeling mischievous today?" Joe grins, leaning into him and biting off a piece for himself.

"I love travelling when it's just us."

They share a soft smile and Nicky leans in to kiss Joe's lips, both of them cold and sweet.

"Me too," Joe whispers and nuzzles Nicky's neck. "What was the song you listened to before? What did it say?"

"Nonstop," Nicky says with the best Czech accent he can and grins wide. Joe returns it.

They blast the song on full when they get back on the road. 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while being stuck in a traffic jam on the highway in question.
> 
> The song Nicky likes is this one: https://youtu.be/045X12Jet08
> 
> It's a terrible song and everybody loves it.


End file.
